The 14th. Abridged.

It is over. Valentine's day, for those of us who call the continental United States, and specifically the Midwest and East Coast home,we have seen the better part of the day come and go,. I hope it went well for you. Mine was garbage. Not because I did not have a Valentine. Not because I was lonely. No, not even because I am 9 months removed from a relationship and this whole "being single" phenomenon is starting to wear on me. (too much?). In a word, my pride was crushed. Obliterated...I attempted to step out of my comfort zone, and received "The Bizness" similar to Yung Berg when he made those flagrant comments about African women who have dark complexions. The details are unimportant, but suffice to say a large slice of humble pie with a large heaping of awkward sauce was given.

"I think I done hit the lottery..." - Chris Brown

- Mr. Jackson

This Is Me, Now

Whats going on everybody?

It's becoming a trend for us to have to apologize for the lack of posting every time we post. I'm realizing, however, that that shouldn't be necessary at all. Anyone who reads our blog should be able to sympathize/empathize with us, and I'm sure they/you can forgive us for our infrequency with the hope that all will be explained/made up for in each post. Hopefully I can do a little bit of that.

As my first real post of the New year, I think it's necessary for me to give you guys a little status report of my life thus far. My first semester of college was the definition of a learning experience. Though I'm used to living in high pressure academic environments, I was naive for thinking that my freshman year wouldn't/couldn't throw anything at me that I couldn't overcome with some amount of ease. One of my most difficult challenges was one that I did not expect: learning to swim as the small fish in the big pond. It's a tough thing when you've become accustomed to knowing everyone and everything around you. While I won't say I feel invisible or even unnoticed here, I will say that I definitely do feel like its all too easy to blend into the crowd.

Now, before you jump to conclusions and think I'm miserable, let me say that not only do I love my life at this point in time, but that same sense of invisibility is also really comforting. Joe Budden once said "My anonymity is my protection," and I'm really starting to see the truth/merit in that mindset. There's something really comforting about knowing my every move/word/action/decision is not being closely monitored and judged. I can go to a CUSH (Columbia University Society of Hip-Hop) meeting, freestyle my ass off, and then slip out the door with my headphones on and melt into the busy New York City environment with complete ease. It's kinda nice when people come up to me and say, "Damn! You killed it last night" and then walk off with out even knowing my name. A genuine and unforced compliment from a complete stranger is worlds apart from a halfhearted and almost facetious "Dude, that freestyle was sick!" from the person who sits across from you in Humanities, chapel or math. It's easier to keep it real when you don't feel obligated to be a "great guy".

I can't talk about my college life thus far without mentioning my relationship. "Mami" and I have been together for almost a year now, and I can honestly say that it has been the greatest, most stressful, peaceful, turbulent, important and blessed year of my life. I learned that its one thing to have a girlfriend, but living with her is a completely different story. While distance, if even it is from one dorm to another, can put varying amounts of stress on a relationship, it also acts a sort of buffer between both parties. When (essentially) living together, that buffer is completely removed and the only things standing between you two are air and your schedules. In such an environment, nothing can be hidden, nothing can go unnoticed. Whether you like it or not, you gain a pure and unadulterated view of the person who you call your significant other. And, after 11 months and 12 days, I've learned that if the love's not there, then nothing is, and nothing will be. Thankfully, I can say that we are going as strong as ever, despite how things may seem to our unlucky neighbors who hear the highlights of our occasional disputes and resolutions, and I know that as long as we stay invested in us, that won't change.

One of the most interesting aspects of living in such proximity to the one you love is that they become a sort of unbiased mirror. After all this time, I can honestly say that I've learned almost as much about my self from this relationship as I have about her. I've learned that it's not what I say, but what I do. One of the greatest lessons that I've been taught is that my internal self doesn't always express itself externally. What I think is a peaceful, welcoming look may actually be a cold, unapproachable stare. These are all new discoveries for me, and being that I'm not perfect, far from it actually, the best I can do is pledge to make an honest effort to step in the right direction. As much as it may upset her, I cannot guarantee change, only ever increasing effort. I've learned that a relationship is a process, a team effort, and in order to get the best out of it, I must be willing to put everything I can, and then some into it. As long she's down for the ride, I am.

That's it for now. I know there's a lot I didn't cover, many areas i didn't explore/explain. It's all good though. All in time. All in time.

-Lubeen

As always,

Pax, Amor et Musica

Ebony Eyes: 2010 Edition Vol.2

Apologies on the wait...I've been getting right.




" Black.....Maybe..." - Common feat. Bilal

- Mr. Jackson

The so called Nigerian terrorist

hello world,

I am now back in the States. As many of you may know, I am a Nigerian.

Yes, the bomber is a a Nigerian, but contrary to what you may have heard, this 23 year old man was radicalized in Britain (at University College London), armed in Yemen, reported to the American embassy by a Nigerian (his own father), recently refused a British visa and the report was ignored by the Americans...

so my question is this, Mr Obama what part of this story makes Nigeria culpable? Why are Nigerians going through unnecessary screening, questioning, searching at airports, having their privacy invaded. I would like to know what we did wrong...

Ebony Eyes: 2010 vol. 1

We didn't go nowhere.





"If you're insecure poor, you'll be insecure rich..." - Flame

Seasons Greetings

I Just wanted to say Merry Christmas & Happy Holidays from us to you.

Enjoy!

-Lubeen

Confessions of a Workaholic

Disgusted. Outraged. That is precisely how I feel when I do anything at a substandard level that I know could have done much better. Which has not happened in awhile. Not for any reason but the fact that I have not been required to do any thinking that required such. But it did not start that way. I had ample time to complete this assignment. Almost a month. And what did I do? Dove straight into the ocean of procrastination, knowing full well you cannot tread water forever. Then the beginning of this week came. I could taste the anxiety. Normally it would not be this tangible, but my grade for this course hinges on this 12-15 page research paper. It would be unthinkable for me to not at least be about my business when it comes to that, right? Suffice to say, I have never been so distracted in my life. Ever social media outlet and website was my distraction. Not to mention work, and my community college classes have finals next week. In short, I forgot about college. I'll say it. Flying back and forth to St. Louis 4 different times this semester, has made the idea of college seem more like summer camp. In September, it was years away. Now I have a month before the rest of my life begins. And this is how I begin? With a lackluster paper I would not feel comfortable giving Flavor Flav to edit. The mere sight of it in my open word document makes me upset. 12-15 pages. Try 10 with the bibliography. Semblance of togetherness? There might be, if I didnt construct it between yesterday and right now. A year ago, this would not have been a problem. In fact, I was a pro at it. But the time off has dulled my writing acumen, and my insistence on putting this assignment on the backburner has had disastrous repercussions for my psyche, and heaven knows what it will look like for my infantile GPA. I never shirk r But....this is perhaps what I needed. Reality check. I've been working this semester...but not how I will need too in order to succeed in my new residence. Now that transition period is here. But it is time. I use this as fuel, and although I will not pay Premium price again, it is a lesson well learned.

"Excuses are monuments that build bridges to nowhere" - Anonymous

- Mr. Jackson

Mr. Jackson, we're a problem

I'm not even gonna say anything to introduce this other than this is what can happen thanks to that 5ive blackberry connection. lets gooo

Participants:
-------------
John , Jonathan

Messages:
---------

John : Yo
John : We bout to do some bbm backandforth verses
John : Imma start
John : You're gonna do the next line
John : sometimes I wish I could grow wings and fly away/cause life aint promised, shit I could even die today
Jonathan: If it came down to it what did I bring/ was I real with my life to make the angels sing
John : But when they start singing will I even hear their song?/cause a dude is always sinnin', predisposed to doing wrong
Jonathan: In school I used to stay silent/it wasn't even about my faith/plus with the amount of work I had talking out of turn as a black man could have been a giant mistake
John : I turned into a closet Christian, kept God with my polos/ sunday morning service in the chapel, it was a no-go./ and I mean that with no blasphemy, its just that I wasn't making God my priority
Jonathan: See that's the about this life, it will get u dead/and when you don't foster your soul you spirit doesn't get fed/now its been a minute and I still trip up/ but I had an epiphany that God never runs amuck
John : He doesn't leave, He doesn't lie, He only loves/ so I try to do the same till they take me off my plug
Jonathan: And if you're a church kid it gets hard/cause hip hop culture is about beloved in the church as the BET awards
Jonathan: But topic switch I need to address this/what in the world is viacom allowed to serve black people up like breakfast
John : What's a collge hill and who the fuck goes on a hell date?/ who ever is writing these shows should have a cell mate
Jonathan: Good gracious and the media loves it/they want us to goo back a couple hundred years and lynch ourselves/and we walk around cosigning it
Jonathan: And the young kids growing up want to 50/he lives in Connecticut/ yeah he comes back to the hood but he always goes home surrounded by sicamore wood
John : While for them a mansion is only a dream/ so they use his music as a manual on how to get cream/ if only they really knew what success means
Jonathan: And let's examine hip hop moguls for a minute/jigga man been acting a little funky/ I did some research there's illuminati signatures all over his company
Jonathan: But I digress its still a war on ignorance and poverty/ and as long as I'm black in new Hampshire police feel inclined to follow me
John : This aint twitter and your ass aint a fan/ you're definitely the reason why black folkes hate "the man"
Jonathan: Who...me? I aint never done anything wrong/yes u did stop trying to hide/u convinced these little queens that instead their mind they should reveal their backside
John : And after that they just start to backslide/ get with a rich dude so they can get a maybach ride/ but all he really wants is a lay-back-ride
Jonathan: See the problem with the culture is easy/rappers talk a lot but freeze up when we require accountability/MC tough guy talking about putting things in her mouth/ you have two sons a daughter you can't be relevant to us if you don't run your own house
John : Yet you take the term "real dude" and run with it/ while you got your fam walking 'round on some hunger shit/ now please tell me where's the man in that/i'm only 18 but I still can answer back./ a real man knows to take care of his own/ and to worry bout what's inside, not outside his home
Jonathan: Every image of us as men gets distored/ we either in the movies beating our wives, not feeding our babies or doing both while seeing multiple ladies/i am the son of a king, its impossible for me to be an auto-coon/especially when its 2010 and you have the death of darrion Albert and instead people ngo buckwild over New moon
John : Forget about a new moon, I wanna see a new day/ when what sells doesn't depend on radio play/ when the media doesn't care if your straight or gay/ when my people succeed despite what all the haters say

Jonathan: And planned parenthood stops preying on the hood/and pastors give us truth instead of what sounds good/ politicians aren't dirty and marrief men believe in commitment/where policemen do their job the right way and Al sharpton doesn't just show up on the scene for the newscamera foray

John : Son, we're nice
John : Lol
John : Hella good shit
John : Imma put this on the blog

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

haha. That's it, thats all. Btw, this all Just happened. Big Lube is quick with his.

As Always,

Pax, Amor et Musica

Tonight I Realized

I wrote this piece a little while ago, and I actually never intended to post it, send it, or really have it see the light of day. But I figured I've been sitting on it for long enough, and letting it sit there and gather dust is pointless. So Here's a poem of mine called Tonight I Realized. Let me know what you think.

Tonight I Realized

Tonight I realized why I keep some people at a distance,

and why those whom I hold close

only hear part of the description.

No one can see the way I see,

feel the way I feel,

Love to the extent that I love,

But from another perspective my love

was seen as a lack thereof.

Tonight I realized why dwell on things I shouldn't,

and try to rationalize and figure out why

she's upset with me for things I couldn't-

even fucking realize I did wrong,

it must mean that my mind's gone,

or maybe I'm just a waste,

But I know that's not the case,

well, at least I hope,

because this feeling that's building within my throat

is way worse than feeling broke

cause the feeling within my throat's

got me feeling like imma choke...

and I would get choked up,

but I'm a man and men don't cry,

but this glassy layer over my eye

says something a little different.

Tonight I realized that although I think I lost the war

there's more than enough reason to fight the war,

because I know what I'm truly fighting for,

and only I can fathom it's importance.

The key to my future, the meaning to my past,

and I hope you didn't believe it when you said

it didn't have a meaning...

Tonight I realized that despite how I want things to look,

this isn't a story book,

and no matter how hard I try

I can't bring Alice back to Wonderland.

But it is, or was, in my hands

to make her dreams her realities,

or at least make her reality

parallel her wildest dreams.

So as I sit and beg the mad hatter to abandon his clock

in hopes that time will also take time,

giving me time to make things right.

Because every girl deserves the chance to

live a fairy tale,

but this Jack is all Heart

and although he found his queen,

the union left his head in the clouds.

As Always,

Pax, Amore et Musica